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A life’s work that matters

Today’s opinion piece in the Washington Post by Juliet Eilperin goes a long way toward answering a question I’m sure many of our family members have wanted to ask – why Washington? It’s such a fickle, hyper-political place, and “Washington journalists” are such a despicable lot. Whatever made us want to come back here 30 years ago, to raise our kids in such a fast-paced, high-cost environment?
Juliet’s answer, and ours, is that this is a place where our work could have a meaning beyond making a living. “It is cool to make fun of Washington’s superficiality and detachment from the rest of America,” she wrote, to chide the “Beltway-itis” that afflicts so many people who come to D.C. for a perhaps-limited purpose and then never leave. But by choosing to stay, disenfranchised though we may remain (as U.S. citizens who don’t have a voting representative in Congress), Robert and I have both had opportunities to do important work while raising children, now adults, whose cares and efforts extend beyond their immediate circumstances.
Juliet’s article more closely answers the question as it pertains to me because I have remained a journalist. I had found my way into a company (then known as The Bureau of National Affairs, Inc. and now know as Bloomberg BNA) that aimed to disseminate information about how the government works, primarily to businesses and people for whom that information could make the difference between success and failure, profits and losses. For several years Juliet’s mother, Sophie Cook, worked there, too, as a lawyer with expertise in alternative dispute resolution who edited a publication on that subject. So, I would like to think that Juliet’s introduction to journalism as something of a “BNA brat” had some effect on her career path. (In truth, I’m sure it had more to do with the social consciousness of her parents and the environment they provided to help shape her character as she was coming up.)
In our case, I’m sure the work we did when our kids were young had something to do with their development into caring, giving people devoting their lives to helping others get through the challenges life presents them. Our dinner conversations would as often touch on Constitutional debates, becoming lessons in human rights and responsibilities, as on what they learned in school that day. We talked most nights about something to do with the government – in my case environmental regulation, science policy, and tax and in Robert’s case press freedom and the criminal justice system. We also talked about the societal ills facing less-fortunate populations of the District.
I’m not sure what would have become of Robert’s and my careers had we not moved back to D.C. in 1983, but I can tell you this much: mine would not likely have been in producing journalism that matters. BNA gave me the opportunity to develop not only as a journalist but also as a person. I simply can’t imagine what my career, or may life, would have been like had I stayed in Hartford, Conn.
Robert’s decision to go to law school was based on his desire, when he started, to carve out a niche for himself as a journalist, but his nine years as publications director for the Reporters Committee for Freedom of the Press gave him the opportunity and experience to specialize instead in something else: appellate ligation. Representing criminals in the appeals courts most likely did not enter his mind at that point. In addition to his law practice, he remains active in First Amendment law as well through the D.C. Open Government Coalition. His “work that matters” continues.
I’m sure all of those factors have had something to do with the people our daughters have become. Allison’s decision to go back to school in her mid-30s and earn a master’s degree in social work was a long time coming, but the seeds were planted long ago, perhaps at our dining table or otherwise in the social rubric of this city. Loren’s advanced degree in public policy and her career concentration in global health and development speak for themselves. I take no credit here – the hard work has all been on their part. We simply chose to raise them in an environment where what matters to others, their real concerns about how to get along in sometimes-hostile surroundings, also matters to us.
None of this addresses our decision (so far) to stay in D.C., with its fast pace, high cost of living, and disenfranchisement still affecting our lives. Perhaps I can write about that in another post.

Another word about the World Death Rate (100%)

My friend John Schappi’s blog post today about death and dying prompted me to go back and write down a post I thought through but couldn’t get out during my recent period of writer’s block. My brain worked overtime on this subject a few weeks ago when my mother thought she had had a stroke. I wanted to write it down and make it public because of her admonishment to me at the time – “no tubes; just remember that.”
“No tubes” is just the short expression of what I know she requires of me: I must be prepared to follow the dictates of her health care directive. That means no resuscitation, no tube feeding, no mechanical breathing, no CPR. It’s all written in a document she signed in 2010 naming my sister Paula as her health care surrogate and me as the alternate.
I’m glad to report that Mom didn’t have a stroke. Still, I need to make sure it’s understood – just in case anyone else in our family, or any of her friends, have questions about it: I will do as she wants, and I’m sure Paula will, too.
Don’t get me wrong – I’d like to see her live a while longer, at least as long as she can carry on a normal, functional life. She still has a very active social life, and her friends take good care of her. She still wins or places high in duplicate bridge games with top players. She reads even more than I do, and she crochets. She lives alone, drives as little as possible, and drives us all crazy with her dependence on electronic devices she doesn’t really understand. Pretty good for a 93-year-old, if you ask me …
But if it’s up to me there will be no extraordinary measures to prolong her life if she gets into trouble. She doesn’t want a jolt to restart her heart, or a pump to breathe for her, or to eat through a tube. When the time comes she’s ready to join the 100% of people who eventually die.
When the time comes, I hope I can be as matter-of-fact about it as I am now. Even if I become emotional, though, she’ll get what she needs from me. She’s lived a long time, and been good to lots of people along the way, so I figure she’s earned it.

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Signs of recovery

Which of the following would you agree with?
a)      I’m retired
b)      I’m busy
c)      I’m overcommitted
d)      all of the above
If you guessed d), you got that right! This post talks about what that means.

Now that Thanksgiving’s over and I have a little more time to think about my busy-ness, I’ve been doing just that – thinking about it. I think it’s mostly healthy, and I’ll be working on how to eliminate c) and still keep the commitments I’ve made.
First, let’s deal with the “mostly healthy” part. I seem to have been able to move on, by and large, from the melanoma misery. Don’t get me wrong – I know the risks remain. But we have done what we can, and now we are in the “watchful waiting” phase of being a cancer survivor. And, despite what I told our friend Larry on Sunday, I am not actively terrified that melanoma will revisit us any time soon. Robert will have scans and doctor visits as often as prescribed to make sure there’s no evidence of disease (my friend NED), and we’ll both go on living our lives.
I wrote in March about the philosophy I’ve adopted – to be realistic and optimistic at the same time. I wasn’t sure I could achieve that goal, but looking at my current state of mind I think I’ve done it. I’ve been able to make commitments and to complete projects on realistic schedules, and that demonstrates my optimism that we aren’t facing an imminent recurrence of Robert’s melanoma.
That is measured optimism, to be sure. A melanoma patient I met through the Melanoma Research Foundation’s Melanoma Patient Information Page (MPIP), Paul from the West Coast Washington, had a satellite lesion removed shortly after he finished the vaccine trial Robert was enrolled in. But other satellite recurrences I’ve read about on the MPIP recently have come nine or 10 years after the primary lesion was removed. I’ll take nine or 10 … 20 or 30 would be better, though! More time for us to do things together. More time for a cure …
Progress report
I started my quest for a more normal, less melanoma-focused existence by taking on a small project for work. This was not a lucrative venture – I spent many more unbillable hours than the time I got paid for. But I learned some new things, met an interesting neighbor, and had fun, so I have to consider it “time well spent.”
I’ve also made some other commitments to organizations I belong to. Actually my commitment to get the Kehila website redesigned and updated is very self-serving – once the project is done others will be able to take over more of the work to maintain the site. Still, it’s a big project – it will include a workplan, a Request for Proposals, and then the actual work. Months and months, not enough resources. And, I’m still maintaining the old site.
The other commitment I’ve made is to the Society of Professional Journalists. I’ve joined the SPJ freelance committee, which is committed to morphing into a “freelance community” in the spring, another big website project. Up my alley on all fronts. I volunteered to write several sections of the online freelancers’ guide, currently published as a PDF but planned as an HTML subsite for the community relaunch. Writer’s block is no fun. I’ll have to get over it …
And perhaps this blog post is the first step of getting over it. Only part of my inactivity on this blog  since September has been because of over-commitment. I’ve thought through several blog posts over the last two months, and in the past, when I’ve thought them through first, I’ve been able to sit down and let them flow. That automatic scribing hasn’t worked recently – until today, that is.
So maybe this is a good sign that I’m conquering the PTSD that I wrote about in April. A big step forward. Another sign will be if I am able to keep writing blog posts, so please check back from time to time if you want to know what’s up with me.